Forever.

And I thought forever meant
to infinity and a thousand hundred universes.
But instead, forever meant,
until your body no longer slept next to mine.

You are Out of This World, Love.

I was soo… unlit;

Until I stumbled to your presence.

You were soo… unlucky;

Raised in a hell not of your making.

I am soo… besotted;

In awe of your stardust.

You are so… striking,

Yet, so unaware of it.

I Thought.

I thought when you searched me for cavities,

You were finding what you needed to fill.

I thought when you traced my body for broken skin

You were searching for what to sew up again.

I thought when you held my heart in your hand,

You were weighing the fragility of my soul.

I thought when you said you loved me,

You were healing the wrong in my life.

I thought you were trying to make me a better me

I thought you were making me a better me.

But you were building me up to push me down.

And you haven’t even apologized for that.

I Hope.

I hope you never have to understand how someone can spend all night crying or how comeone can slide a blade across their delicate wrist. I hope you never have to feel like you have to throw up every meal, or skip them, to be pretty.  I hope you don’t have demons or anxiety that chase you from enjoying your life. I hope you never chase your numbness with a bottle of pills. I hope you never have to understand lying awake for countless hours, because you don’t want to wake up again. But mostly, I hope that when you say “I’m fine.” That you actually are fine.

If you ever have to deal with these things, I hope you know you aren’t alone. I was, But you are not.

You.

Someone tell me why you are so wonderful
and why when you speak my name
over the muffled buzzing of the
space between your city and mine
I
just
can’t
exhale
even though I want to.

(I'm holding my breath)

I wonder what your face feels like
underneath my shaking fingertips.

Live, Love, Laugh.

I use to never understand
why people would say
the motto to life is
Live, love and laugh.

Then I met you.

Now, everything I once
couldn't figure out
makes absolute sense.

Human.

I know that sometimes I fail at keeping promises.  I back out of plans at the last second, because my anxiety makes my mind run through ten horrible scenarios.  I don't think that I am beautiful, and when someone tells me I am it makes me annoyed.  I worry day in and day out about my life and where it's taking me, because I don't go to school or have any plans for the future.  I become attached to people too easily, and it usually ends badly.  Alcohol and drugs replaced the loneliness that never really goes away.  I've done bad things, I continue to do bad things.

 I am a messy, disastrous, human being.  

I believe in others more than I believe in myself.  I offer a hand to my enemies, and often times get stung.  I will sit next to you in silence until you decide to speak of your pain.  I will let you fall, because sometimes that's what we need to do - but I won't ever leave your side.  I see beauty in everything, even when I can't find it in myself.  I will encourage others goals, and I will check in to see how far they've come.  I've done good things, I will continue to do good things. 

I am a good, caring, human being.  

Too often we stare at the mirror and we don't see our beauty.  We don't see the twinkle in our eye when we see something we love.  We don't appreciate our own gratitude the way we do others.  We sell ourselves short every single day.  For every flaw we scrutinize, for every mistake we make.  We punish ourselves, we hate ourselves, we kick ourselves down.  But I am here to tell you something. Listen closely and understand clearly:

We are only human. We do bad things, we do good things - and we will continue to do them. It's time to forgive yourself.